Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
