She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
