I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
