she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
