as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
