No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
