I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
