one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
