you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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