so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
