I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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