omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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