I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
