I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
