I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
