Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
