I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
