We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
