Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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