so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
