Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
