I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
