Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
