better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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