i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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