he was CRYING into my vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
