direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
