How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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