He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
