On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
