in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
