I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm really busy with my period
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