My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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