used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
