My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
