Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
