my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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