I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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