He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
