mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
