I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
foreskin is a definite game changer
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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