one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We have so much sex to catch up on
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
