dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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