i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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