Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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