i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
