According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
