On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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