my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
