Sponge bath it is.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
