if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
